Do you have a hard time saying no to people?
Do you find yourself constantly over-extending yourself for others at the cost of your own well being?
If so, you may have some ‘people-pleasing’ characteristics. Don’t get us wrong, it is admirable to perform good deeds for other, to be a good friend, and to do favors for the people you care about, the trouble however, arises when your own well being is at steak as a result of your concern for the happiness of others. If you are a ‘people pleaser’ you may find yourself being taken advantage of by the individuals in your life, you may feel some of your own desires and needs are not being met, or you may feel resentful towards certain people resulting from one way, non-reciprocal relationships. This can lead to various negative consequences such as caregiver burnout and other emotional disturbances. It may seem difficult to break the negative people pleasing cycle without letting people down or giving up that kind, generous persona you strongly identify with, but it is possible, it just takes a little emotional strength and restructuring. We can help.
These are some common traits associated with People Pleasing. See if any of these sound like you…
- Worrying about letting people down or hurting their feelings if you say ‘no’
- Feeling resentful, taken advantage of, or like a ‘doormat’ in relationships
- Rarely asking for or accepting help from others and feeling guilty if you do
- Believing yourself to be beneath others
- Avoiding giving yourself credit for your accomplishments
- Frequent apologizing, even when not at fault or an apology is not in order
- Strong discomfort with confrontation
- Kind and helpful towards everyone, even individuals you may not particularly like
- Non-reciprocal giving; i.e. continuing to do favors for individuals who do not return the sentiment
- Reliable, responsible, and dependable
- Feeling stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed by the demands you place upon yourself
- Potential lack of trust in the goodness or competence of others
- Overextending yourself to make someone happy, meet their needs, or avoid confrontation, even if it impedes on your own needs
- Putting yourself ‘last’ on your ‘to-do list’
If you identified with any of these points, you may be having some difficulties associated with chronic people pleasing. If you find your desire to please others is affecting your own health and well being be it physically or emotionally, you may need to consult with a professional in order to break this unhealthy cycle. Evolution Psychology Center can help you develop greater assertiveness and confidence as you realize it is possible to be a kind and generous person while still respecting your own needs and boundaries. There is no need to suffer any longer, we can help you. Contact us today to make an appointment with a Montreal Psychologist or Therapist at 514-758-7792 or info@epcenter.ca.